And suddenly I realized, that I am walking in my forest.
It has been a long, hard journey to find my forest.
To create it, clean it, acknowledge it but here, I find my feet.
Barefoot in the soil, surrounded by life, trees, security,
my being is at peace.
What an amazing place to be.
First of all, it is unwavering. It is unlike the forest's of others where I have tread and always wondered how long my path would go, before I found myself exposed in the desert or floating in the sea again.
Second, it is exclusively mine. No one can take it from me, no one can take from it, or add to it, without my permission. I alone, am the caretaker of my forest.
Third, it is my sanctuary, my haven, my fortress, my land, the space for my inner being to live. It goes wherever I go, it lies within me.
The last few years, I have spent seeking this obscure, distant desire, to create a haven within. A haven that is untouchable by the screams and songs of the outside world.
I have pursued a life that was removed from the sea sick motion of life's currents, permitting me to travel the waves from atop my island or safe within my forest. I couldn't do it alone. I was seeking the reclusive monk within me, while being neither reclusive or a monk.
The largest door that I had to open, to discover my path to my forest, was my childhood. I had to gaze back and see all the life vests, that I have worn, to keep me afloat.
My biggest vest was invisibility.
Although I always wanted to have deep rooted relationships, to be connected, I found from an early age, that it was far easier to be invisible, than vulnerable. Silence consumed me. I was the spectator of life, of people, of myself.
The currents could carry me which ever way they wished, without a peep from me. I would float silent and terrified, clinging to my life vests, as the storms would thrash me. The life vests would only bring me back up to the surface, they never once, removed me from the storm. This often led me to some drowning moments. Always alone.
Once I had opened this door, I realized that my soul feet were, for the first time, on sandy ground.
I could see a path, or a resemblance of a path.
I was not floating through life anymore, tossed and thrown by the temperamental energies of the waters.
It was amazing and new, my legs were weak and frail, they did not know how to support me. I would sit in the sand, crying as all I wanted to do was to move forward, but all I was able to do was to cling to my useless life vests.
I wanted to be seen, I had to be vulnerable, I would have to throw my invisibility vest into the sea. Taking off this life vest was, and continues to remain the hardest action of life. There is such exposure to the elements, without a life vest of invisibility to cover me.
Yet, I have to shed this life vest to be seen but it is not to the world, it is not to just anyone, it is to those who enabled my legs, who were themselves, on solid ground.
I am learning, who i can toss away my vest of invisibility, with, as I am slowly learning. how and to whom i can be vulnerable with.
There are many who still live in the turbulent waters of the sea, and for them, I use my life vest as needed.
"It is simple, it is not easy" - Mel Robbins (and numerous others)
Exchanging life vests for footsteps is simple, it is not easy.
Or like my friend quoted last week, "Sometimes we have to say No to the good stuff, in order to say Yes to the great stuff"
Having life vests are good, they have kept me from completely drowning.
It is simple to say, "you are now on solid ground, toss your life vest away, use your legs."
It is not easy to toss away the life savers of old, to use the feeble legs of today. But the unexplained age old song of the forest calls me. It is great, it is what I want to say yes to.
Either way, I am exuding energy, I am doing life, I am floating or walking. I am clinging to my life vests or I am strengthening my weak legs.
Shedding my vest of invisibility, provided a solid step of vulnerability, shedding my vest of shame, provided another step of courage, shedding fear, produced a step of faith. Step by step, I was letting go of my life vests, I was walking my journey, I was strengthening my legs.
I am not in the waters anymore,
I do not have to cling to my life vests
I am barefoot in the soil,
surrounded by life, trees, security.
My being is at peace
I am walking in my forest
What an amazing place to be.
It has been a long, hard journey to find my forest.
To create it, clean it, acknowledge it but here, I find my feet.
Barefoot in the soil, surrounded by life, trees, security,
my being is at peace.
What an amazing place to be.
First of all, it is unwavering. It is unlike the forest's of others where I have tread and always wondered how long my path would go, before I found myself exposed in the desert or floating in the sea again.
Second, it is exclusively mine. No one can take it from me, no one can take from it, or add to it, without my permission. I alone, am the caretaker of my forest.
Third, it is my sanctuary, my haven, my fortress, my land, the space for my inner being to live. It goes wherever I go, it lies within me.
The last few years, I have spent seeking this obscure, distant desire, to create a haven within. A haven that is untouchable by the screams and songs of the outside world.
I have pursued a life that was removed from the sea sick motion of life's currents, permitting me to travel the waves from atop my island or safe within my forest. I couldn't do it alone. I was seeking the reclusive monk within me, while being neither reclusive or a monk.
The largest door that I had to open, to discover my path to my forest, was my childhood. I had to gaze back and see all the life vests, that I have worn, to keep me afloat.
My biggest vest was invisibility.
Although I always wanted to have deep rooted relationships, to be connected, I found from an early age, that it was far easier to be invisible, than vulnerable. Silence consumed me. I was the spectator of life, of people, of myself.
The currents could carry me which ever way they wished, without a peep from me. I would float silent and terrified, clinging to my life vests, as the storms would thrash me. The life vests would only bring me back up to the surface, they never once, removed me from the storm. This often led me to some drowning moments. Always alone.
Once I had opened this door, I realized that my soul feet were, for the first time, on sandy ground.
I could see a path, or a resemblance of a path.
I was not floating through life anymore, tossed and thrown by the temperamental energies of the waters.
It was amazing and new, my legs were weak and frail, they did not know how to support me. I would sit in the sand, crying as all I wanted to do was to move forward, but all I was able to do was to cling to my useless life vests.
I wanted to be seen, I had to be vulnerable, I would have to throw my invisibility vest into the sea. Taking off this life vest was, and continues to remain the hardest action of life. There is such exposure to the elements, without a life vest of invisibility to cover me.
Yet, I have to shed this life vest to be seen but it is not to the world, it is not to just anyone, it is to those who enabled my legs, who were themselves, on solid ground.
I am learning, who i can toss away my vest of invisibility, with, as I am slowly learning. how and to whom i can be vulnerable with.
There are many who still live in the turbulent waters of the sea, and for them, I use my life vest as needed.
"It is simple, it is not easy" - Mel Robbins (and numerous others)
Exchanging life vests for footsteps is simple, it is not easy.
Or like my friend quoted last week, "Sometimes we have to say No to the good stuff, in order to say Yes to the great stuff"
Having life vests are good, they have kept me from completely drowning.
It is simple to say, "you are now on solid ground, toss your life vest away, use your legs."
It is not easy to toss away the life savers of old, to use the feeble legs of today. But the unexplained age old song of the forest calls me. It is great, it is what I want to say yes to.
Either way, I am exuding energy, I am doing life, I am floating or walking. I am clinging to my life vests or I am strengthening my weak legs.
Shedding my vest of invisibility, provided a solid step of vulnerability, shedding my vest of shame, provided another step of courage, shedding fear, produced a step of faith. Step by step, I was letting go of my life vests, I was walking my journey, I was strengthening my legs.
I am not in the waters anymore,
I do not have to cling to my life vests
I am barefoot in the soil,
surrounded by life, trees, security.
My being is at peace
I am walking in my forest
What an amazing place to be.
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