I spent all day yesterday watching the grass grow
What i learned is that the grass really grows slow
Now i'm waiting around, trying to get inspired
Punch a hole in my cage and i reached out blind
She said, have patience, everything will be alright
Have patience, give it just a little time
Everything will be alright
Gosh I am so grumpy right now. Irritable and irritated. Clinging to this
song like a worn out blanket. I am repeating angrily to myself to,
“have patience”, a demonic tone seems to follow with,“everything will be
alright”. Yet my grumps keep getting caught on,“give it just a little
time”. This one line, that my internal conflict cannot twist and demonize.
So I will punch a hole in my cage and reach out blind...
song like a worn out blanket. I am repeating angrily to myself to,
“have patience”, a demonic tone seems to follow with,“everything will be
alright”. Yet my grumps keep getting caught on,“give it just a little
time”. This one line, that my internal conflict cannot twist and demonize.
So I will punch a hole in my cage and reach out blind...
Grace and patience are the first things to flee, in the face of the
grumps .
The very items in my treasure chest of self, that remind me of the best
comforter in winter, perfect cup of tea, salty air, joy of living, seem
to gather her skirts and flee to the darkest cobwebbed corner of my chest.
I know that they are still in there but good lord I can’t find them for
the life of me. So here I sit with my grumps and words, hoping once
spilled, grace and patience will reappear from their undisclosed
location.
grumps .
The very items in my treasure chest of self, that remind me of the best
comforter in winter, perfect cup of tea, salty air, joy of living, seem
to gather her skirts and flee to the darkest cobwebbed corner of my chest.
I know that they are still in there but good lord I can’t find them for
the life of me. So here I sit with my grumps and words, hoping once
spilled, grace and patience will reappear from their undisclosed
location.
Ok first grump, I am failing as a mom to teenagers. I don’t know what
the fuck I am doing. They don’t know what the fuck they are doing.
Nobody knows what the fuck we are doing. If I were to ever write a book
about seasons of life, being a teenager and being the parent to a
teenager would all be under the chapter titled, Fucked.
the fuck I am doing. They don’t know what the fuck they are doing.
Nobody knows what the fuck we are doing. If I were to ever write a book
about seasons of life, being a teenager and being the parent to a
teenager would all be under the chapter titled, Fucked.
Ideally it would include free vouchers for teenagers to remain in an
enclosed, padded, dark, room with all the social media they could dream
of. And another planet for the parents. One where they are so far removed
from their teenager’s space, that time passes and the questionable,
grotesque and seemingly harmful events within their cocoon, have no
affect on their parents world.
enclosed, padded, dark, room with all the social media they could dream
of. And another planet for the parents. One where they are so far removed
from their teenager’s space, that time passes and the questionable,
grotesque and seemingly harmful events within their cocoon, have no
affect on their parents world.
It feels like it is a full time job just trying to make sure that I
am ok and the moment I seem to focus and attend my wellness, their focus
and wellness seems to take a nose dive into a shit pile. So I focus
and attend to their wellness and suddenly I am the shit pile.
Wash off and repeat. People laugh when I say that I am resigning as a
mother to my teens. I am serious people!! I am not a shit pile.
I quit that.
Love them, but quit that!
am ok and the moment I seem to focus and attend my wellness, their focus
and wellness seems to take a nose dive into a shit pile. So I focus
and attend to their wellness and suddenly I am the shit pile.
Wash off and repeat. People laugh when I say that I am resigning as a
mother to my teens. I am serious people!! I am not a shit pile.
I quit that.
Love them, but quit that!
Grump two, the hikers. I just want to go to church. Meeting and helping
the hikers has produced some of the best conversations, self realizations,
growths and expansions. I love it! It is my church, but this year
my church has changed. In previous years, the pews were primarily
filled with good people with a few demanding souls in the back rows.
This year those demanding souls are splattered throughout the whole
damn season. The whole church! There used to be rows of fellow
travelers eager to make connections and talk about the deeps.
The ones that just showed up for the wine and bread tend to stay in the
back and sleep through the conversations. I get insanely jealous of the simplicity their lives contain.
The vastness of time to devote to one event and the complete lack
of consideration from the demanding souls, to the amount of time and
energy I have to etch out in my busy days to be available and helpful
to them. Just like it is their choice to dedicate time and energy to
the trail, it is the same for angels. Time and energy are a limited
the hikers has produced some of the best conversations, self realizations,
growths and expansions. I love it! It is my church, but this year
my church has changed. In previous years, the pews were primarily
filled with good people with a few demanding souls in the back rows.
This year those demanding souls are splattered throughout the whole
damn season. The whole church! There used to be rows of fellow
travelers eager to make connections and talk about the deeps.
The ones that just showed up for the wine and bread tend to stay in the
back and sleep through the conversations. I get insanely jealous of the simplicity their lives contain.
The vastness of time to devote to one event and the complete lack
of consideration from the demanding souls, to the amount of time and
energy I have to etch out in my busy days to be available and helpful
to them. Just like it is their choice to dedicate time and energy to
the trail, it is the same for angels. Time and energy are a limited
resource and for those who feel entitled to your limited time, tend
to muddy the waters for everyone.
Trail angels are not your parents!!! We are under no obligation to
be available to all your whims. Quit sleeping on the back pews of
the church, only awakening to partake in the wine and crackers.
It is not a church I want to be in.
to muddy the waters for everyone.
Trail angels are not your parents!!! We are under no obligation to
be available to all your whims. Quit sleeping on the back pews of
the church, only awakening to partake in the wine and crackers.
It is not a church I want to be in.
Well I guess that I only have those two grumps right now and it is time
for bed and the girls had their last day of school today so we are
officially in summer time and I can’t wait to go to the beach with them.
Right now if i could spend my time and energy devoted to one things,
I would pack us all up to stay in a cabin, next to a creek and a lake,
for 4-6 months and write a book (including a chapter titled Fucked),
spend all day yesterday watching the grass grow and be the “she”
that says, “have patience, everything will be alright
for bed and the girls had their last day of school today so we are
officially in summer time and I can’t wait to go to the beach with them.
Right now if i could spend my time and energy devoted to one things,
I would pack us all up to stay in a cabin, next to a creek and a lake,
for 4-6 months and write a book (including a chapter titled Fucked),
spend all day yesterday watching the grass grow and be the “she”
that says, “have patience, everything will be alright
Have patience, give it just a little time
Everything will be alright”
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