To the dogs

I find myself asking, my food obsessed dog, do you even know? Do you know how your life has changed mine? Do you know the joys and connections that you have created? Do you know what sorrow I have in this moment of change? Do you realize that my soul has been stirred, altered, transformed? As he gazes to the hills, eager to bark, I think not, and yet my being is in turmoil because I know that, due to this companion I call my dog, my life has been forever changed. I hate drastic changes. I rarely feel ready for change period.  I want all of the positive recourses of connection to remain, straighten. I don't want this feeling that any aspect of life has changes. I want the resources of joy, connection to only grow, not diminish. So what does one do when one of those resources changes address? What to do when I find myself cussing, dropping cupcakes on the garage floor, and kicking garage doors? What to do when a connection is no longer there? Hawthorne's sister is not there for sleepovers or day visits. Doggie birthdays are only for a dog while the connection of souls is the purpose of their lives. Anie did her's well. My life is forever changed by her existence and so I find myself crazy. I fucking hate change. I want all of the good aspects of life to last as long as mine. I want to only experience joy but life has a way of bitch slapping you in the face of reality. Welcome to being alive, being human, walking this earth. So much of life seems to pertain so little to our souls and yet it is our souls that extend beyond this earth. Too much meshing, too much over-cross. I am ready and yet not ready for the two to combine. For there only to be one of the soul experience and the soul living. I imagine with God's humor it will be by four legged friends.