I'm tired.
I imagine most everyone is tired.
I imagine that Robin Williams knew he could be saved but was probably just too tired of being saved, saving himself and the glorious cycle that occurs with being alive.
Tiredness is like weights in the bottom of your boat. You stay afloat, as long as you don't spring a leak but those weights sure do have a way of slowing you down or sending you in circles.
Tiredness affects the efficiency of the boat, the passengers on the boat and the journey of the trip.
I am not a big fan of tiredness. I always viewed it as a negative or a weakness but as I travel this journey I am daily realizing that it is a beautiful sensation of being alive. It is my body talking to me. My mind telling, sometimes yelling at me to take a rest. To breathe. To take time in the day for myself. To cherish myself. Tiredness has turned from a negative in my mind to a beautiful spot light on my being. A slowing down.
Ian has been working so much lately and is currently on call again so we won't see him until Friday. It is an added element of tiredness when your partner, in the chaos of life, is not by your side.
It is harder to see the spot lights and cherish myself in the manner that is needed. It turns into a challenge all its own to cherish the children and to cherish myself (the kids always win, as they should.) So what does a mom do? How does she keep herself, her boat in balance? How does she keep the rocks of tiredness from sinking her boat? How does she make the journey a joyous trip, when in reality there are just so few moments to relieve the sensation of tiredness?
I know that is one of the main reasons we are all in this together. We are here for each other and to cherish those around us. Making sure that they know just how cherished they are.
My dearest friend Betty helped me throw some rocks over board. She not only eased the boat but unknowingly helped me see the spot lights again.
I was out for coffee and thrift shopping with Betty on thur morning. She nourishes my soul like no other. Over coffe I was telling her about my morning walks/runs and how I would be on a look out for some running pants that won't fall down. Well the thrift shops turned up unsuccessful so I just thought that the next time I was out shopping I would have to remember to make a stop at big 5, just for me.
Friday flew by (with me starting out the morning in my awesome, holy, blue sweats) and Saturday was filled with soccer games to which I was thrilled to see Betty and Bill show up for Emma's game.
Betty handed me a brown bag and said, "I got you something."
Since I'm the coach and ref for Emma's game I gave her a hug and was quickly swept away in the busyness of the game. After the game Betty came to say goodbye and said, "I got you some workout pants from Cosco. I got small but if they aren't the right size just let me know and I'll exchange them."
My parched throat, sun kissed face, and tired body just melted in a silent tear of utter appreciation and heart gratitude. I was overcome with the warmest sensation of being cherished. I don't know when Betty ran to Cosco but to think of me... To support me doing something for myself.
I've known it for a while now but I have even more resolve than ever. When I grow up I want to be like that!!!
I want to walk this earth and make all those, that the universe brings into my life, feel cherished, especially moms.
It brings me to tears when there is such a thoughtful, personal, encouraging act, moment, thought, word that leaves me feeling cherished. I was noticed, heard, Betty saw a spot light that I just brushed by. In her simple, loving act she made the light shine on me in such a manner that my eyes readjusted to the light and I saw how incredibly cherished I am and how much I need to cherish myself too.
Everyone deserves it, everyone needs it and I daily thank my lucky stars for bringing so many people in my life that cherish me, that help me see the spot lights that shine.
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