Sometimes it just takes a one year old...

Now I know that everyone gets there or has been there or is currently there, you know that moment, day, week, month, year that you just feel done with everything. Done with waking up in the morning and dreading the monotony yet ever changing dramas of the day. Done with feeling pulled in a million directions but the one you want to walk down. Done with having to walk your own life and nobody can pick up where you want to drop everything and carry on for you. Yeah those moments. Well anyway tonight I was in that moment and as I tried to mentally slap myself across the face out of it, Emma came out and plopped herself down on the chair and started her new routine of going through the entire family and saying, dada... happy, Sam... happy, Leah... happy, dog... happy, Emma.... happy then she paused for a minuet and looked at me then proceeded mama... happy. There it was the slap in my face... I needed to chose to be happy and it took my one year old to remind me that for the most of life happiness is not an event of circumstances but a choice. And even when Sam is grounded, like all the way to the bottom grounded and has to stay in his room but won't, and Leah who you are waiting on to finish up her homework so that you can give her a spelling test and she is doing everything but concentrating and Emma who has not had a nap all day which means that I have not had a break all day is willing to have a meltdown over nothing and everything and to top it off just feeling the desperate need to clock out and relax, which is just not happening, well I need to still be happy or at least pretend to be. So that when Emma looks at me she will not have to hesitate to say Mama... happy.
Or maybe this is all bull and I need a break or a breather or my hubby to come home or kids that do what they are asked when they are asked or a reality check or ........ yep I think I am losing it but look how cute she is and tell me that my sanity is not worth losing over that grin.